I Am Angry!

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

I have been feeling angry. For the past month, I have been letting that feeling consume my being. I find myself cursing at people in my head, at articles I read, at movies I watch, at anything that bothers me at the moment.

I am not angry with anyone or anything. Yet, Anger has crept into my chest and into my head, mocking my thoughts…

But here is the catch: I have been observing it.

I have allowed Anger to make its visits all the while sitting back and observing its every move. I watch how it makes me think. I watch how it makes me feel. I watch what it makes me do. I allow it.

It is a feeling I do not normally let linger too long. Anger! Why do you come? Where do you come from? When will I let you go?

You only have two volumes, said my sister in the past, referring to my levels of Anger. You go from Level 1 to Level [Infinity]; there is no in between.

I like to disagree.

You see, in my process of self-awareness, I have learned to be very mindful of my emotions. Because I have reached that level of consciousness, it is easy for me to let go of negative emotions the moment I acknowledge their presence. And believe me when I tell you that I become aware of their presence pretty quickly as the feeling is now becoming unfamiliar to my body (most of the time I am in a very positive mood, and I know that feeling very well).

I don’t remember where I learned this little trick, but I imagine emotions as Horses. Yes, HORSES. When I feel anger or stress, I imagine myself physically sitting on the Anger Horse, or the Stress Horse. Why would I want to stay sitting on either? So then I make the conscious decision to imagine myself getting off that horse to jump onto the Happy Horse. Or whatever Positive-Emotion Horse I can imagine at the moment.

Silly? Perhaps. But it is a game I play when I feel any sort of negative emotion. I am in control. And there are times where I think to myself, No. I am staying on this horse. I want to feel Anger right now. Or Sadness. Or Pain. I feel it, and I cry it out if I need to. I try to be careful not to hurt anyone, but if I catch myself doing so, I genuinely apologize. And then I make the decision to move on.

The reason I am telling you this is because I do not want you to think my life is always stress-free and rosy. That is not the impression I want to give. And I am not just a passive person. If I do not react to conflict, stress, etc., that is because I consciously choose to move away from a negative emotion. It is something I am still learning how to do. For now, I still get mad, yes, and I still will curse. But more often than not, I am on the positive end of the spectrum =)

Everyone is allowed to feel negative emotions – just acknowledge that you are feeling said emotion, and then let it fly for the sake of your own wellbeing. We are all a work-in-progress.

That being said, I am ready to step down from my Anger Horse. I have watched it for a while and know that the way it makes me feel is something I do not like. And don’t get me wrong – I have not been walking around like an angry mad woman or attacking anyone. HAHA! I am happy when I am happy but have felt my spirits and patience level extremely low for what feels like a month now. I may be absorbing emotion from my environment, work stress, people, or even world situations (as you can imagine), but whatever the reason, I have chosen to feel Anger this long… It is very unlike me, and I am ready to move on.

Next step? Go back to my daily exercise/gym routine! I have stopped going to the gym since summer started, and I can feel my body and my brain screaming for me to get it together. I also have two weeks to ramp my energy back up to be ready for Tough Mudder 2014. Yikes!

I wish you all happy thoughts and magical dreams! And remember – Happiness is a choice…

Love and Respect,

Denise

PS: I ran away to the coast for the weekend to reenergize my soul and clear my mind. I’ll be posting about that adventure on a later blog [You can find it find it here now], but for now I leave you with my awesome Spirithood. Haha! I’m a total kid deep inside, and I love these Spirithoods. But I especially like that they support the conservation of endangered species <3 … Check them out =)

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9 responses to “I Am Angry!

  1. Pingback: I Ran Away to Kalaloch Beach | Of Wildest Heart·

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  3. Pingback: I Ran Away to Kalaloch Beach |·

  4. oh i can relate to this. i get caught in the anger pretty often (it seems) but fortunately i am learning to catch it sooner and sooner. and when i do react from that place (like if it’s directed at someone in particular), i clean up the mess as quickly as possible. it takes practice for sure… <3

  5. There is nothing wrong with being angry; anger is an emotion that sometimes we need to cherish. When we were kids we were told that being angry was bad, and then we grow up hiding our anger sometimes, but that only makes us weak because it consumes us in the inside. Now I tell my kids: it’s ok to be angry, just don’t do or say anything that you will regret or that will hurt someone else.
    I love the pics of you with an angry face.

    • Nothing wrong, you are correct. But it doesn’t feel good.

      If anything, the act of releasing that Anger is what feels good.

      I think Anger is something people should be more in control of — not necessarily suppress it. Being in control of your emotions means not letting them consume you on the inside.

      Hay que notar esa diferencia.

      There are too many factors in our life that we have no control over, and feeling angry or stressed over those situations (or things) only affects ourselves.

      Y muchas gracias por el comentario =)

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